The Joys of Peanut Butter and Body Heat
by The Young Lady of Legends
Summary: A collection of cute happenings in Mamoru and Usagi's lives. Just think of it as my version of Sailor Moon/The Real World crossovers! Review!
1. Body Heat and Peanut Butter

It's just some nonsense spoof I thought of today when I should have been writing my research paper. Oh well, so what if I nearly failed it? Please be kind to my sweet story!

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The Joys of Peanut Butter and Body Heat

Celestial Maiden Ceres

I was cold. 

Not just a little chilly and in need of some socks cold, but I needed body heat! Unfortunately for me, Mamo-chan was in class. Of course when he got home things probably wouldn't improve too terribly much. In his fourth year of med school, he'd lost insane amounts of time for everything... and that included his Usako...me.

It seemed like just yesterday he couldn't get enough of me. Actually I think it was yesterday, but who's keeping track of the days here? What with mid-terms coming up, heaven forbid he 'waste' time on anything that wasn't productive. Hey I may not be productive but I'm fun! 

I was milling this over as I sat on the couch in our living room in my pajamas and bunny slippers all the while watching my soap operas...okay so it was anime. But is there really that much difference? I knew Mamo-chan wouldn't like what I was eating. He'd come home and raise his eyebrow, ask if that was necessary. Well, it wasn't really _what _I was eating, it was _how_ I was eating it. In my hand I held a jar Jiffy Peanut Butter and in the other, a spoon. Also, my mouth was really sticky. But I really wanted it so who cares?

I heard the door open and a heavy sigh come from that direction. I jumped up eagerly and cried with a mouthful of goo, "Bamoo-fhan!"

As I suspected he raised that eyebrow at me. "Usako, what do you have in your mouth?'

"Peadunt Bunner."

He grinned and leaned over to kiss me. As he pulled away again he licked his lips thoughtfully. "Hmm...smooth peanut butter at that." Suddenly his tone and facial expression changed to serious and studious again. "Hey Usako, I've got to study so I really don't have time for much right now. Do you mind?"

Mind? MIND?! Of course I minded! I wanted my Mamo-chan! I wanted to kiss the boy senseless, I wanted sweet kisses in return! And he has the nerve to ask if I mind? "Of course I don't mind." Well, what else was I supposed to say?

"Thanks." he grinned. Sure. No problem. He spread his books and notes and whatnot over the dining room table and dove into it. So much for dinner. 

Suddenly, I got a plan. I'd just simply distract him from his studies. Get him to study me instead. I laid down on the couch. "Mamo-chan?" I called turning on the charm. Of course that gets a tad harder after you've been married for a year. Or maybe I wasn't losing my touch. Maybe it really was medical school. But all the same...

"Yes?" he called, never even looking up. Oh boy, this was going to be harder than I thought.

I pouted a bit. He'd said once he loved that. "I'm...I'm cold."

He looked up at me, then stood. It was working! I knew it! I still had my golden touch! He was walking towards me, stretched his arm out, preparing to embrace me, keep me warm. That was until he walked past me. And do you know what he had the nerve to do? HE TURNED UP THE THERMOSTAT! Of all the nerve. And even worse, he looked back at me smiling and said, "Better?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." I grumbled, standing up. 

"Usa? Where are you going?" he asked innocently. Fiend!

"Oh, I thought I'd turn in." I answered lightly, hoping maybe he'd get the picture. 

He didn't.

"Oh okay then. I'm going to be up late, in fact I may pull an all-nighter. So don't wait up okay?" he asked as if it were the most normal comment in the world. And so what if it was? He shouldn't have said it anyway!

"Sure. G'night." 

"Goodnight Usako." 

Moron. I slid into our bed to find that it was cold. I wasn't a happy housewife at all! My job was to stay home in my pajamas, clean a little bit, try not to burn the food I cook and to get snuggled. That was it! You'd think if I was in a battle in that little short skirt again he'd come running. With a tux and roses nonetheless. 

I was just drifting off into a dream world where little Sailor Moons were attacking the Tuxedo Kamens instead of youma when I felt a warm object snake around my back. I looked up; Mamo-chan's arm. He whispered in my ear, "Still awake."

"Yeah, but I thought you still had to study or you could flunk." I answered groggily.

He kissed my ear, then my neck and finally lightly grazed my lips. "For you...It can wait."

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The end. No more. That's all. Review.


	2. Christmas Cookies and Midterms

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Okay fine...I just couldn't help myself, I had to think of something to write for a continuation. I was going to do this as another short story but I'll just tie it in. Maybe I'll keep adding all my ideas for Usagi/Mamoru short stories and have a sort of collection. Review and tell me if I should. But until then! Chapter Two! And don't expect any profound storyline. It's just days in the lives of Usagi and Mamoru Chiba.

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The Joys of Peanut Butter and Body Heat

Celestial Maiden Ceres

Chapter Two

I was just drifting off into my dreams at about four a.m. and for good reason. I snuggled into Mamo-chan's bare chest to attain more warmth. He'd given up on studying and not long after he'd woken me my pajamas found a new home in the corner of the room as did his clothing. But I digress.

I couldn't have been laying there long when faint light began streaming in through the window and onto my face. Mamo-chan noticed as well and it pulled him from sleep. My eyes were closed as I pretended to sleep peacefully, hoping that if he thought I was asleep he wouldn't want to disturb me and hence, wouldn't leave. Wrong. He pulled himself from my arms and as he stood, he leaned back over and kissed my nose. Then my cheek, the other, my forehead, until his wandering lips finally found their way to my mouth. I startled him slightly by kissing him back. He deepened the kiss and my arms wrapped themselves around his neck. With all the force I could muster I pulled him back down causing him to land atop of me. 

Not that I minded. 

He kissed my neck and began working his way downward when suddenly he looked up at me, his eyes shot open and he said, "We really don't have time for this."

I pouted. "Can't you be late...just this once?"

"I'm already late Usako...At this rate I may make the second half of-" he stopped.

"What?" I asked him, his face was laden with terror.

"Usako. I- I...The midterm! It's today! I've missed half of it already. I love you. See you after class!" he said as he hurried toward the door.

"Mamo-chan, you aren't going out like that are you?" I asked. I couldn't believe one could forget something like this.

He looked down to find bare skin. "Oh..." he blushed a bit. "Stupid me. Better get some clothes. Don't want to be expelled or taken to the police for indecent exposure." he said as he jumped into his boxers that were, by-the-way, covered with Sailor Moons and Tuxedo Kamens. He hurriedly pulled on a long sleeved black shirt and some khakis. He then, for whatever reason, decided that his green jacket would go splendidly with the aforementioned clothing items. 

He walked back over to me, kissed me again. "Aisheteru Usako." A simple repeat of his previous goodbye., this time of course he was slightly more decent. 

Honestly, I preferred him the other way.

After he'd gone I rose from the blankets unable to fall into sleep again. I donned a sweater, what with the cold weather and all, and a fitted pair of jeans. May as well get dressed today, it doesn't really matter what I wear Mamo-chan's just going to take them off anyway. I nearly giggled at the thought but I had to smile. 

I noticed the calendar. Christmas was so close, just days away. Mine and Mamo-chan's first Christmas as a married couple, I knew it had to be perfect. Unfortunately Mamo-chan really wasn't one for Christmases what with his past being so lonely. I had to think of something to get him into the festive spirit.

CHRISTMAS COOKIES! 

Of course that'd be perfect. I could make him some homemade cookies like Lita had taught me and decorate them Christmas style! I could then think of something cute to do with them...

Suddenly I remembered the peanut butter of the previous day, and the perfect plan was plotted. I could make different kinds of cookies, eat one, kiss Mamo-chan and see if he could guess which kind it was! That'd be sure to get him into the mood. For Christmas I mean...of course if he happened to take things farther then well, I couldn't help that. 

I began to pull out the necessary ingredients for each kind and set to work. By the time I'd finished I had dough under my nails and had broken one. That would explain why Lita kept hers short all the time. Also I had flour all over the kitchen and everything in it, including me. It was in my hair, on my clothes since I hadn't remembered to put on my apron until it was too late, and a stripe of stubborn icing was across my cheek. I was too tired to worry with my appearance. I'd leave it for now, clean up before Mamo-chan got home. For now the kitchen was what I had to worry with cleaning. 

As the time drew nearer for Mamo-chan to come home my excitement was growing. I sat down in front of the television to well,...watch some more anime. I was almost thrilled to death when I saw Fushigi Yugi was on. I absolutely adored Miaka. 

I barely noticed when Mamo-chan came in I was so enthralled in the show. Of course when I realized that my Mamo-chan was home I sprang up and landed in his arms, nearly knocking him over. "How'd the test go Mamo-chan?"

He smiled triumphantly. "I received top marks and a perfect score." he said, somewhat modestly but there was a sense of pride too.

"Oh that's wonderful! We should celebrate!" I said kissing him.

"Usako...you'd 'celebrate' for everything if I'd let you. But just between me and you, you wear me out." he said grinning. "What's that smell?" he asked.

That was when I realized, I'd forgotten about my cookies! How long ago was I supposed to take them out? I ran to the kitchen and jerked the oven door open only to allow dark smoke to come into the kitchen. I pulled them out with a mitt, and surveyed the damage. They were shapeless black lumps that resembled rocks or coal lumps. I had a lump rising in my throat and tears were on their way to my eyes. I fell backwards onto the floor and sobbed. I was going to save Mamo-chan's Christmas but instead...I ruined everything. I messed up the cookies. I was choking on sobs when Mamo-chan pulled me from the floor with his strong arms and wrapped them around me tightly. "Oh Usako, it's okay. They're just cookies."

"No. It's not okay." I said in between sobs, making a wet patch on Mamo-chan's shirt. "I was going to get you excited and ready for Christmas by baking Christmas cookies and... and..." I sobbed loudly. "I've ruined it! You're going to have another awful Christmas and it's all my fault!" 

His hand went under my chin and gently lifted it so he could see my eyes. "Usako...you haven't ruined my Christmas. In fact, you're going to make it perfect. You're always what I wanted under the tree." 

"Oh Mamo-chan." I sniffed, drying my tears.

His lips landed on the warms salty tears that decorated my cheeks and kissed them away. "I love you Usako. Don't ever think you've ruined anything for me because you never will. You'll always be my angel."


	3. Fireworks on the Fourth of July

Short spoof about Mamoru and Usagi. Usagi: Age 16, Mamoru: Age 20. I may end up rewriting this a long story for the Fourth of July. Read and enjoy!

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Fireworks on the Fourth of July

I hated him. 

He managed to successfully both suck and blow all at the same time. What if I decided to make fun of his hair? Or his intelligence? What if I stalked him just so I could make his life miserable. 

How does Chiba Mamoru always show up when I think my day couldn't possibly get any worse? Okay well, at least I'm out of school for the summer so he can't pick on me about grades. Actually I should probably change that to , ' I just got finished with summer school because I flunked math and English during the year.' But I digress.

The fourth of July was here! I had no worries and I was carefree! It was always a favorite of my holidays because 

A.) There is always lots of food

B.) My friends come over to eat said food

C.) I normally don't leave the house and therefore can't see Chiba Mamoru

Minako, Rei, Ami, Mokoto and myself were all sunbathing in my backyard. Yes I know, I know. Skin cancer blah, blah, blah... But I just couldn't help myself. 

"Oh my gosh! Look at that cloud you guys! It looks just like a dog!" Minako cried gleefully.

"No it looks more like a horse." Rei concluded.

"Or a fish." Ami added.

"EEAK! It looks just like my old boyfriend!" Makoto shrieked. 

I simply shook my head. "I hope I never get that way over a guy." I sighed. Truth be known, I already was. But I'm not sure if I hate him or love him more.

"You are." Minako smiled. 

WHAT?! How could she possibly know my secret? I'd kept it so well! "Wh-what do you mean?" I stammered.

"You must be. Everybody is. Look at Ami, she nuts over Greg. Rei is...well Rei is in love with herself more than anyone but she has it bad for Chad and Mamoru-san. And I'm obsessed with any guy with a male anatomy." she decided and for such got strange glances. "What? Look we all know I am!"

Makoto smiled a little. "Usagi is crazy over a guy. She just can't admit it."

Rei grinned evilly, "Who, Melvin?"

"Buzz off Rei!" I said as I rolled my eyes toward the clouds that started this whole mess.

Makoto shrugged. "Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome." 

Ami then smiled. "Oh I know who you mean."

"THEN WHY WON'T ANYONE TELL ME?!" Minako and I both cried at the same time.

Just then my dad peeked his head out of the house. "Usagi dear? Can you run up town and get a bag of ice? Shingo's just dumped this bag into the fish bowl. Seems he wanted to see if the fish could still swim once the water was frozen." he chuckled to himself.

I jumped up and pulled on my pants over my bathing suit bottoms. "Sure Daddy. No problem." 

I looked at my friends. "Okay, who's all coming?" 

"Not me!" came a unanimous cry. 

"Oh come on guys! I don't want to go by myself." I whined.

"I'm just starting on my tan." Rei answered.

Ami nodded. Minako said, "Yeah me too." 

I looked at Makoto hopefully. "I suppose you don't want to go either?"

"Um...not really." she mumbled.

So here I was grumbling to town in blue jeans and a pink swimsuit top. And some jerk has the balls to whistle from behind me. I turned around to tell him where he could shove it and was met with midnight eyes.

"Hey you just who do you think y-" I stopped short as I realized I knew this man. His face fell from one of pleasure to shock.

"Odango?!" his mouth was slightly ajar.

"Close your mouth Mamoru-baka. You're catching flies." Actually he wasn't but the sight of his opened mouth was distracting, 

"Usagi...I...um. That is...! Whoa." he gave up on words. He made a better use of his mouth before I knew what was happening. I felt myself leaning backward, his arms supporting me, his lips on mine. Well until they became wanderers. 

So yeah, when anyone asks, I always saw fireworks on the Fourth of July.


	4. Oh My Muffins!

it's been quite a while. i know. but no matter, i'm back with a fluffy short story for fun. 

disclaimer: yeah yeah yeah....if i owned the billion dollar idea that is sailor moon do you think i'd be writing fanfiction? i don't think so.

"_OH MY MUFFINS! _" BY: ME

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Usagi skipped happily into the Crown at precisely 3:08 p.m. Truly amazing how she manages to run ten blocks from her school in eight minutes.

"Hi everybody!" she called as she walked in. As the only two familiar faces were Motoki and Mamoru Chiba, she directed her comment at Motoki. Mamoru stared down at his coffee, pretending he hadn't heard her call of mirth as she walked in, door chimes ringing as she came. In his opinion bells rang everywhere she went. If only he knew how to say it...

"Oh Odango Atama! How delightful to see you. Again. Like I don't see plenty of you in here every. single. day." he said, finishing in a monotonous tone as she plopped down on the stool beside him. 

"Nobody asked you." she announced in sing-song voice. Then she turned to Motoki, who was busily cleaning a glass with a bit of cheesecloth. He scrubbed angrily at a particularly nasty water spot, thinking of Usagi and Mamoru. "Why can't they just get along? They're driving me friggin' insane!" he thought to himself, continuing to attack the glass armed with his cloth. "Hi Usagi. Can I get you something?" 

Usagi thought intently. Mamoru watched her from the corner of his eye, unable to help himself. Her eyes were looking up at the ceiling as though maybe she'd find an answer to what she wanted written up there, her elbow leaned on the bar with her hand supporting her face. "Why did she have to be so cute? Is she doing that intentionally? Is she trying to drive me out of my sanity and wits on purpose?" Mamoru thought to himself, perplexed. 

"Can I have just a small chocolate ice-cream in a bowl, please?" she asked finally.

Motoki, sitting down the glass and cloth, called, "Coming right up! One small chocolate ice-cream ala bowl for my favorite customer!" It was just enough to set off a nerve in Mamoru. But nervousness prevailed over calm intelligence so instead of taking it out on Motoki, the logical thing to do would be to direct something at Usagi.

"Small?" he sneered. "It's about time you cut back on the sweets. They were beginning to show." Now he knew perfectly well (possibly a little too well) that she had an amazing figure, but to tell any woman she's getting chubby is a definite button-pusher. In other words, it was going to set off another mini war.

"Kiss it, coffee-breath." she hurled back.

"I'd be glad to!..." he said happily. "Which acre?" he asked, his voice dripping in sugary sweet venom.

Usagi jumped up suddenly. "Why you...! You...! Ugh! I do not understand why it is that you have to be so unbearable twenty-four freakin' seven! Do you ever quit? Is sarcasm the only means of conversation you know?!" she demanded her hands flying as she yelled. "Um. HELLO! Try this on for size! 'Hi Usagi, are you having a nice day? No? Some baka tried to aggravate the piss out of you? No! I can't imagine! So nice weather we're having huh?'" she finished, running out of breath. She'd noticed Motoki had nonchalantly slid her ice-cream in front of the seat she'd been sitting in previously, careful to avoid an attack from the nerve-shot Usagi. She sat and picked up her spoon as she heaved a heavy angry sigh in Mamoru's direction. 

Mamoru said nothing. He sat there mentally kicking himself in the butt for being an idiot. Didn't he graduate with honors? Isn't he in college on scholarship? Wasn't his intelligence known campus-wide? So why was he so dumb?! He continued sipping a new cup of coffee. He'd discovered many weeks back that if Usagi was seated on the next stool as she was now, and his coffee was facing a certain direction and angle, he could watch her reflection in his warm black beverage. He watched her in his coffee cup as she enjoyed her ice-cream, the tantalizing way she licked her spoon reminded him of how much he'd love to kiss her. He sat there watching her calm down with each bite of cold chocolate that slid down her throat. He thought of it melting as it reached her warm lips...

She jumped up, let her spoon clatter into the empty glass bowl and thanked Motoki. She'd disappeared from his coffee mug. Her heard her tiny footsteps headed towards the door when her heard a thud, followed shortly by a shrill "Oof!" of someone who'd just gotten the wind knocked from them. He looked up and...saw no one. His eyes traveled downward and there sat Usagi. He couldn't control himself. He burst into a fit of laughter. 

"Oh shut up!" she yelled angrily. It was bad enough she'd fallen right on her butt and was in pain but this idiot was laughing. "Wonderful." she thought to herself. "I have THIS pain in the butt..." looked toward Mamoru, "and THAT pain in the butt." 

"I'm-hahaha- so sorry- hahahahaha- it's just- hahahahaha- so -haha- funny!" he choked out between his fits of hysterical laughter, and controlled the urge to point while laughing. 

She groaned. "Oh my muffins." as she clutched her backside.

Wrong thing to say. Mamoru, who was beginning to calm down, began laughing even harder at this comment. "YOUR WHAT?" 

"My muffins, you jerk!" she hurled back at him. 

"I can't *snicker* believe *repressed snort* you call your butt....your...your...MUFFINS! HAHAHAHA!" he began again. 

And so Usagi stomped out angrily as usual. Mamoru calmed down shortly after she'd left, missing her presence. "Well," he thought to himself. "There's always tomorrow."


	5. The Nickname Game

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THE NICKNAME GAME By: ME

"Oh come on..." Usagi thought as the wind whistled on either side of her. "Just a bit further..." her legs propelled her further. Her blonde pigtails were streaming behind her and her eyes were running with water from the force at which she was running. You'd think that since this is an everyday occurrence she'd begin to pack protective eyewear in her backpack. 

She sprinted through her school's front entrance, dismayed but not surprised, to see the empty hallways that signaled that she was late. Hurricane Usagi burst through the door to her first period class calling the usual apologies as she continued onward to her seat. "Gomen Haruna-sama, overslept, really not my fault..." she finished as she slid into her seat, her eyes shut. They still hurt from the Olympic-caliber speed in which she ran. 

"Detention Odango. Sorry, but you know I just can't play favorites." 

Okay now her mind was playing sick jokes on her. As if Chiba Mamoru would be in her eighth grade classroom. Slowly she ventured into opening one eye, then the other. The form that appeared before her was one she was used to seeing, one she normally both dreaded and welcomed at the same time. Silky black hair brushing his eyes...check. Midnight blue eyes that made her stomach jump up into her throat...check. A beautiful face that cannot be mistaken for anyone else in the entire cosmos...check. Why her? "Mamoru-baka?!" she cried.

"Actually as your substitute teacher Odango I'm afraid that I'll be forced to request that you call me Chiba-sama." he grinned.

A female classmate in the next row leaned over to Usagi. "You know that hunk?" she asked in disbelief. 

"Unfortunately, yes." Usagi groaned, not believing her luck. "But I don't understand. Why is he here?" she whispered back. 

"Oh yesterday Haruna-sama announced that college students in some particular subject were going to be tested as future teachers by completely running the school today. I suppose you missed homeroom announcements again." she concluded.

Usagi thought. She had missed the announcements. If she had known that there was a possibility of Chiba Mamoru running her classes she would have faked the flu and stayed home. 

Mamoru had turned back to the blackboard and was writing something on it. What he was writing he really didn't care. He'd been a wreck ever since he'd seen the name Tsukino Usagi on the class role this morning. She was truly amazing. Of course he'd seen that her grades were less than spectacular. But you can't have everything, and with everything else about her flawless Mamoru thought it was a small price to pay. "Tsukino, if you aren't quiet I'm afraid I will have to schedule a detention for this afternoon."

He wouldn't dare! Detention was bad enough but to be kept locked up with that flying ignoramus? It was preposterous! "Well la-dee-da." she thought...aloud. 

"Tsukino. That means detention!" he announced as he scribbled her detention write up on a pink piece of paper. Outwardly, he showed the class a scowl. Inwardly bells were ringing and he felt like a Mary Poppins sing-along. Life's so grand.

The rest of her day crawled by monotonously and routinely for Usagi. At three o'clock Mamoru rejoiced because Usagi would be the only person in his detention. What luck.

She walked in frowning, pouting more like, and dragging her book bag behind her. She was grumbling under her breath. "Idiot baka...who does he think he is...I never...ridiculous..." as she plopped down in a front row seat, facing her mortal enemy.

"Aw Odango. Don't act like you won't enjoy spending some time with me." he exclaimed sarcastically. She looked fit to be tied. Who'd have ever thought that a girl of less than five feet tall could look intimidating.

"I'll enjoy it about as much as having my arm chewed off." she shot at me. Ooh, okay. That did hurt a little. 

"Okay, temporary truce. I've planned how detention is going to be spent. I was looking at some test scores of yours today-" Usagi groaned at this comment. He continued. "-and I have a sure-fire way of teaching you how to diagram a sentence." he finished.

"Yeah right." she complained while crossing her arms defiantly across her chest. 

"You don't think we can do it?" he asked. He'd never actually been this civil toward Usagi before. He almost rather liked it.

"Do bears drive Volvos? Do bees knit sweaters?" 

He smirked a little. "I'll take that as a no." 

"You take it right." she concluded.

"Well I have to disappoint you but I'm going to try and teach you anyway. If you don't get it that's okay, if you do though it's great." he assured her.

"I have a better idea. Let's put some kind of wager on it. Like I get that chocolate bar on your desk if I can do it." she told him.

"And if you can't you have to spend an extra hour with me." he grinned evilly.

She stuck her hand out to shake on the deal. He took it and wasn't all that surprised to feel his stomach in his throat again. Usagi however, wasn't as prepared. Warm shivers shot up her arm and spread throughout her body. It caught her off-guard and her eyes widened slightly. She quickly pulled her hand away for fear it may happen again. 

Mamoru smiled, silently noting her eyes widening. "Okay here's how it's done..."

Within half an hour two amazing things happened. Firstly: She understood how to diagram English sentences. And Secondly: She and Mamoru were getting along wonderfully. 

"See I told you that you could do it." Mamoru told her. "Your problem could be in your teachers. It's not always the student's fault that they don't understand." 

"Thanks Mamoru. I'm actually kind of glad I had detention with you today!" she laughed. He laughed with her and thought to himself, "So am I."

She tilted her head to one side thoughtfully and grinned. "Now it's time for my chocolate bar!"

He got up and retrieved it from his desk, handing it to Usagi. "Here you go! You earned it Usagi."

She smiled back at him, "Hey. You called me Usagi. I like it a lot better than Odango, that's for sure."

"Yeah and Mamoru's a sight better than Mamoru-baka." he chuckled. "But..." 

"But what?" she asked.

"I don't like calling you just Usagi." he paused. "Can I call you Usagi-chan?" He could barely believe he'd gotten that out. His insides were flaming. Please say yes... Please say yes...

A pink glow spread across the tops of Usagi's cheeks with her next thought. It barely came out. It was hardly audible but it was enough for Mamoru. "Only if I can call you Mamo-chan." He didn't know what to say. Had she just said that? Had this angel actually just... He took her hand and lightly brushed her lips with his. 

"I wouldn't settle for any less Usako."


End file.
